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A look into Lynnoleum's past....
Helter-Schmelter...
It was early August, 1969 and everything was right in the world! After a relaxing afternoon at the movies for a double feature of “The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie” and “Midnight Cowboy”, Lynnoleum went shopping for hemp heeled espodrills and love beads with her twin sister Lynnette Fromme. Lynnette had asked her sister to go shopping with her since it was obvious that Lynnoleum had all the style and class in that family! Lynnette (or as her big sister called her…Squeaky) had been invited to a moonlit key-swapping party at the home of Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate and wanted to look perfect!
After shopping for the right outfit and a week’s supply of stool softeners, Squeaky insisted Lynnoleum go with her that night. She was nervous and wanted the company, plus Lynnoleum was the only one who knew how to wake Squeaky from her odd cocaine and diet Tab induced blackouts. The driveway to the Tate home was long and windy, but luckily a VW bus also heading to party gave them a lift. The driver, a charming man named Charlie, took an instant liking to Squeaky, perhaps it was because of the odd Swastika shaped scar on her forehead left from a horrible purse throwing incident with her father Perez as a child that matched his?
After about an hour of boozing and laughing, Lynnoleum made a remark about how she should have been cast as Jennifer North in the movie “Valley of the Dolls” and how Sharon was too old and fat for the part. Before a cat fight could ensue, Charlie took Lynnoleum outside to cool down. She went out on the porch with one of Charlie’s gals, named Linda Kasabian. Lynnoleum wasn’t sure what happened next inside, but there were a lot of blood curdling screams and cries for help. Linda explained the noises were from a monologue Sharon Tate liked to perform for company, from a 1965 episode of “The Beverly Hillbillies” entitled Possum Parade where she played Jethro’s love interest, Miss Janey Trego.
By this time, Lynnoleum was pissed. If she wasn’t the center of attention at a party, it was time to find another party! She left the Tate house in a huff, and swore she would never speak to her sister Squeaky again!
Her past....
In 1992, Lynnoleum left the warmth and safety of her mobile home and decided to follow her dream ( no…not the recurring dream about strangling Scott Baio with his own small intestine…the other dream) to sing on Broadway! She never made it to NYC, because she was asked to leave the bus half way there when a heated discussion with a fellow passenger about the pros and cons early Rococo style furniture turned ugly. Fists and nicotine patches flew and she was escorted (thrown) off the bus in Bucks County PA. Luckily, there was a community Dinner theatre in town, and no one knew her name or rap sheet, so she took up shop! She found herself waiting tables at the Bucks County Playhouse, hoping one day, she would be up on that 8’x10’ poorly lit stage!
One night, before the eagerly awaited production of Gypsy starring the incomparable Miss Joyce Dewitt from Three’s Company as Mama Rose, Lynnoleum’s big break magically happened! Miss Dewitt mysteriously took ill and the rest is history. Although a few of Lynnoleum’s numbers that evening were bumpy, and she often cursed violently when she forgot the lyrics, the critics thought she was portraying a “new kind of Mama Rose” who suffered from Tourette’s Syndrome and gave her rave reviews!
The show played 2 successful nights, and a half of a Sunday matinee, when Lynnoleum broke down on stage during the song “Little Lamb” ( which wasn’t written for her character, but she insisted on being in EVERY number). She realized her estranged father Perez never showed up for the show as promised. He had broken her heart before, but this time was different. She was rushed to The Ancora Mental Hospital in Southern NJ where she cried out her father’s name for the next 4 years…alone.
On a side note, it’s a shame what happened to Miss Dewitt, but how could Lynnoleum know that she would have such a strange reaction to lighter fluid and Nair secretly mixed in her gin and tonic…
POSTED July 02, 2008 14:05
by mtj20
hello, darling. i like your look! please vote for me if you like what you see.
flag for review
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POSTED July 20, 2008 12:13
by ArtemisChase
Hey Honey,
Now that the voting is done link up with me at www.myspace.com/artemisnyc to keep in touch! Or tune in to www.artemischase.blogspot.com to stay up to date on all things Artemis!
Kisses!
---Artemis.